'Twas the night before Christmas

Old Santa was pissed,

He cussed out the elves

And threw down his list.


Miserable little brats,

Ungrateful little jerks.

I have a good mind,

To scrap the whole works.


I've busted my ass

For damn near a year

Instead of "Thanks Santa"

What do I hear..


The old lady bitches

Cause I work late at night

The elves want more money

And the reindeer all fight.


Rudolph got drunk

And goosed all the maids.

Donner is Pregnant

Vixon has AIDS


And just when I thought

That things would get better,

The IRS,

They sent me a letter.


They say I owe taxes,

If that aint damn funny..

Who the hell ever

Sent Santa any money?


And the kids these days,

They all are the pits.

They want the impossible,

Those mean little shits.


I spent a whole year

Making wagons and sleds

Assembling dolls, their arms, legs, and heads


I made a ton of yo-yo's

With no request from them

They all want computers

They think I am IBM


If you think that is bad

Just picture this...

Try holding those brats

With their pants full of piss.


They pull on my nose,

They grab at my beard

And if I don't smile,

The parents think I'm weird


Flying through the air,

Dodging the trees.

Falling down chimneys

And skinning my knees.


I quit this job,

There is just no enjoyment

I'm just gonna sit on my fat butt

And draw unemployment


There is NO Christmas this year

Now you know the reason

I found me a blonde

And heading SOUTH for the season...

Ho Ho Ho!