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1. Totally Ignore the first five people who say "Good Morning" to you.
2. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, "just called to say I can't talk right now.
Bye".
3. Make little catapults with your pens and pencils and see how far you can propel staples.
4. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "mmmmmm, that feels soooo good!"
5. Leave your fly's open for one hour. If anyone points it out say, "Sorry I really prefer it this way, it lets the
smell out".
6. In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out YAHTZEE".
7. Walk sideways to the photocopier, crab style.
8. Say to your manager, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barreled fingers.
9. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, "Did you get all that, cause I don't want to repeat it".
10. When calling another company, flirt with the secretary over the phone.
11. Press the "no cup option" on the coffee machine, kneel down and drink directly from the nozzle.
12. At the end of a meeting, suggest that for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the National Anthem
(extra respect if you actually launch into it yourself).
13.Walk into a very busy person's office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch off &
on 10 times.
14. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak with as "Barbara"
15. After every sentence, say 'Mon' in a really bad Jamaican accent. As in, "the report's on your desk, Mon".
Keep this up for 1 hour.
16.In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, "Shut up dammit, all of you just
shut up".
17. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, "As God as my witness, I will never go hungry again".
18.In a colleague's diary, write in 10:00 am; "see how I look in tights".
19.Carry your keyboard over to your colleague, and ask, "do you want to trade?"
20.Come to work in army camoflauge and when asked why, say,"I can't talk about it".
21. Hang a 2 foot long piece of toilet paper from the back of your trousers, and act genuinely surprised when someone
points it out.
22. Disappear into the toilets and emerge with your trousers over your head, then commence a 2 minute sprint around the
office whilst holding your hands out to your side and making aeroplane noises. Return back to the toilets, get dressed again
and return quietly to your seat as if nothing had happened.
23. Change a couple of the auto-dial numbers around. People using speed dial rarely hang around to check it goes to the
right place. Could be really funny for competetive suppliers.
24. Change the transmission ID. Most modern fax machines send and identifcation string which is usually the company name.
All the outgoing faxes would be shown as coming from, instead of BIG Corp ltd, Madam Zaza's Sex toys Ltd.
25. For best effect you will need one of those rubber stamps for [BOLLOCKS] or [FILE UNDER BULLSHIT]. Carefully open a
couple of packs of paper and at convenient points stamp the chosen phrase all over one side of the paper. There is a 50% chance
that side of the paper wont get looked at before the letter gets posted.
26. If you have access to all the manuals for a software package. Why not take a glue stick and stick together all the
pages covering installation or some other rarely performed but important section.
27. When two (ore more) people are working a desks that are put next to each other, switch their telephone cords. With
all those cables lying around it will take some time before they find that one out!
28. Many offices have height adjustable chairs. The levers for adjusting the height can be fixed in the up position by
attaching cable ties. This is only mildly irritating unless you hide all the wire-cutters/scissors.
29. Put some food in the desk of the most annoying person in the office, lock it up and put a GOOD glue in the keyhole.
Araldite or other glue without a readily available solvent is best. In a week or so the fish/chicken tikka sandwich should
be quite noticeable. Some people dont ever tidy their desks so you could be able to hide it under the mountains of paper and
junk in their drawers.
30. Put a piece of onion or a clove of garlic inside the mouthpiece of a phone. Give it some time for it to fester and
build up a strong odor. Then call them and keep them on the phone for as long as possible.
31. Paint the underside with burglar paint, engine oil, mayonaise, the worlds your oyster.
32. Re-direct all the incoming calls to a suitable extension and glue up the button needed to transfer calls. Sellotape
the handsets down on suitable phones. Picture the busy executive snatching for the receiver and sending the phone crashing
to the floor. what better start to his/her monday morning. open the handset and drop something smelly inside, could be about
6 crumbled incense sticks or a piece of crap, depends on the target.
33. Fill in all those Free-post cards from the magazines like black-box and panel-beaters weekly for free subscriptions.
One for every body should be a pleasant way to spend a rainy afternoon. You can get cards for the more obscure ones from your
local library.
34. Pour a little salt into any plants around your targets desk. He/She will probably get blamed for over watering them.
35. Does your target make regular backups of complete crap. See if you can attach a powerful magnet to the underside of
the desk drawer that the disks are kept in. If the drawers are made of wood 5 or 6 drawing pins should give the magnet somthing
to stick to. This may never be noticed as backups are rarely used, but they are even more rarely checked once they have been
put away for "safe keeping"
36. If your target has a roller blind, staple a suitable poster to the blind and roll it up to conceal the poster. Should
be funny when the next sunny day comes along.
37. It is always a good habit to lock your computer before heading off for coffee or a smoke. When someone forgets and
leaves a Word document or an email open, type a single word somewhere in the text. 'fuck'; or so will do nicely. They'll never
notice and send it out.
38. These respond quite well to the glue stick treatment. Picture again the target on the phone (filled with dog shit)
saying "Hold on I'll check my schedule for the week beginning the 7th, Oh shit its all stuck together"
39. Less irritating but still worthy of consideration is emptying the circles from the hole punch into the diary. When
the target flips the diary open the things shower all over the desk.
40. Use the rubber stamp (See Photocopiers above) to obliterate a week of future appointments.
41. Hmm must be on a roll here. Use a white wax crayon or candle to rub across the pages at intervals. This makes the
pages very difficult to write on.
42. These can be great fun if the power plugs are switched around at the wall/floor socket. Suddenly the cleaner unplugs
the percolator and the main computer goes down. Also fun if when Employee A goes home and switches off his machine at the
same old wall point, Employee B's computer goes off instead.
43. Does your office have those ceiling tiles that hide an ugly set of girders holding up the next floor above. The ceiling
tiles can be spiced up by putting a 1 pound bag of flour on top, just lift a free tile put the bag on the back of the next
tile. When the electricians come in to change light bulbs etc. the bags fall out and make a good sized mess. If you are worried
about braining some sap wil a bag of flour just pour the flour in a heap on the back of the tile, still makes a mess.
44. Glue some Porno-action pictues in at regular intervals to liven then up.
45. Get a hold of someone's cell phone and change the greeting banner to say "NO SERVICE". Many cell phones
have greeting banners on them that you can personalize to say whatever you want them to and it stays on there when you're
not using your phone. Also, when there is no service where you are, most cell phone companies have a banner that pops up on
your screen saying "no service".
46. Take a can of non gel shaving cream, and put it in a freezer. When it is frozen remove the bottom of the can and put
it in co worker's drawer. When it melts it expands and explodes all over everything.
47. Go into MS Word or similar program on co-worker's computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a
very simple prank that will send the novice user into a frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word "the"
with the phrase "you suck!". They will usually panic and start scanning for viruses.
48. Take clear tape and tape the underside of the mouse. Make sure you take the sticky end of the tape and apply it to
the bottom of the mouse so it locks the ball in place. The victim will most likely check the connections in the back, reinstall
drivers, reboot, etc., before they realize what has happened.
49. Do a "Print Screen" of the user's desktop, and then paste the image from the clipboard to a photo program,
and save the image as a bitmap. Then, set the 'snapshot' of their desktop as the actual desktop wallpaper. (You'll have to
hide the Windows status bar, and move all their desktop icons into a folder, which you can hide conspicuously in the corner
or something.) The user will see their desktop as always, but everything on it will appear to be frozen when they try to click
on it...sending them into a rebooting and virus scanning fit!
50. This will mostly only work with people with very little PC knowledge. Stick in a floppy in there floppy drive. They
will be unable to boot up windows until the disk is out. This is fun to watch.
51. Try to find a very obnoxious CD laying around. Preferably a reggae or rap CD. Pop it in their CD ROM. Put up the sound
full blast by double clicking on the volume control on the bottom right. On normal configurations the audio CD will autoplay
when windows first starts up. The person starting up there PC in the morning will definitely be embarrassed.
52. This is for that special person you just cant stand in the office, the one who talks on the phone all day with their
boyfriend/girlfriend and gets personal e-mail all day. Go into their e-mail and change their defaults to autmatically "blind
carbon copy" their boss or supervisor. Heads will roll!
53. Change the coffee in the office coffe maker to decafe. Wait about three weeks(or untill you think everybody has gotten
over their caffine addiction)and switch to expresso!
54. Try "password securing" someone's screen saver. First I suggest changing the screen saver to "scrolling
marque" and inserting your own word or phrase, "Ms. Wilkins (president or supervisor) eats SHlT" or something
to that effect.
55. With someone who is on the phone a lot during work - This works if you have phones that the handset comes apart. Take
the handset apart and put scotch tape over the mouthpeice inside. They can still be heard, but they have to talk loud to be
heard. The next day take it off, and put it in the earpeice. Usually they will be yelling to the other person on the line
the next day, and won't be able to hear them. When they complain about the phone, and get a replacement, do it on the next
phone. After about a week you will notice the calls to be down considerably.
56. Depending where you are at you may have a cafeteria in you place of work. Every week most of them put out a menu so
you know what they are serving. Usually it is done on Word or Excel, and not extremely fancy. With a little work, matching
fonts, and images you can make your own menus, and post them by your desk. We had one co-worker avoid the cafeteria for 2
weeks because of the selection "fish head stew" etc... before he caught on. Works great with picky eaters.
57. Play a game of Twister. Rather than spin a needle on a board, spin your boss around as fast as you can. If he pukes,
everyone gets the day off.
58. Park an old beat-up truck carrying a big arty-heart outside the downtown mall. Make sure it says "The Bomb"
on the bumper.
59. Unplug the refrigerator. Three hours later, award a "Rankest Lunch o' the Day" trophy. Make the guy who's
always late eat the smelly lunch for breakfast.
60. Lower all the desks to ankle level.
61. Post a memo stating that all employees who haven't erased unliscenced software on their computers--by last Friday--will
be fired.
62. Hastily scribble "Lost: Red-and-black boa constrictor" on the chalkboard.
63. Stage a mock murder for the window washer to "accidently" observe.
64. Argue over who invented the Macerena dance, the Wave, and how long before someone combines them into the MacaWave.
65. Pants everyone whose last name starts with "T."
66. Leave a fake list of salaries in the copier.
67. Cut a lock of hair from people exiting the restroom. Apologize by saying, "Sorry, I thought you were someone
else."
68. Change the coffee to decaf, and watch everyone become really irratible.
69. See who can refrain from asking "How was your weekend" the longest.
70. Hoard the office supplies and listen in glee as strains of "...a $5-billion company and I can't even find any
damn paper clips..." carry through the hallways.
71. Hold a combo keg chug/limbo contest. The winner receives a promotion.
72. Telephone a coworker's spouse at home, claiming you found the employee's wallet at the strip joint. Throw in "...a
little mink oil should take that right out..." for good measure.
73. Call a meeting and announce "Listen. This computer thing just isn't working out. You'll all have typewriters
and White Out on your desks after lunch."
74. Walk around claiming you're cookoo for Cocoa Puffs.
75. Replace the soda pop in the cafeteria vending machine with live squid.
76. Every hour on the hour, scream "Hey Moe!" followed by a low-pitched "nyuk nyuk."
77. Sign your e-mail "Love, stinky."
78. Start rumors about the new dress code, "All Fuchsia, all the time."
79. Toss the geeky guy's keyboard in the recycle bin. Reassure him it'll be back as a scratch pad one day.
80. Create a "Who's sleeping with Who" office pool.
81. Change all screen savers to read "If this cubicle's rocking, don't come a knockin'."
82. Fine anyone who uses the word "opportunity" instead of "problem."
83. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)
84. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
85. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN.'
86. Come into work dressed as your employer or one of your employees. Act like them all day. Try to do their work.
87. Some people decorate their cubicles with pictures and their child's artwork. Decorate yours with pictures & posters
of your favorite rock band.
88. Some offices have postage machines for stamping mail. Set the mailing price for $1.59. When someone mails a firstclass
envelope weighting less than 1 oz., They will pay $1.59 instead of only 39 cents. The postage expense will be noticeably higher
after a month.
89. Some Microsoft Word documents have links in blue underlined text. Edit the link's URL to send the user to http://www.sapphicerotica.com
when clicked.
90. My absolutely most favorite prank I have saved for last. It is so simple to do and yields such nice results. Simply
pop out the 'm' and 'n' key on someone's keyboard and reverse the two. Any flat tool will work. Just pry it with little pressure
and they will easily come right off. Then just sit back and watch the confusion.
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