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You better come out, you better not cry,
You better not pout, I'm telling you why
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
He's making the switch,
He's leaving his wife,
He's gonna come out, to start a new life
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
A secret he's been keeping,
It's made him awful tense.
He knows it will be better now,
When he comes down off that fence.
So you better come out,
You better not cry, you better not pout,
I'm telling you why.
Santa Claus is wearing a gown.
Oh, you better watch out
You better not pry
You better stay back
I'm telling you why
Sandy Clawz is wielding a gun
He's making a list
And checking it twice
Gonna find out who
He's gonna ice
Sandy Clawz is wielding a gun
Don't give him any trouble
He'll blow you right away
Don't give him any cause to shoot
Or you'll make his Christmas Day
Oh, you better believe
He's packing a rod
No coal in your stocking
Just lead in your bod
Sandy Clawz is wielding a gun
He doesn't want cookies
Or none of that crud
He doesn't want milk
What he wants is your blood
Sandy Clawz is wielding a gun
(Music Bridge, with automatic arms fire)
He doesn't trust nobody
Shot all his reindeer dead
Thought Dancer was a sissy
And thought Rudoulph was a red
Oh, you better watch out
You better not pry
You better stay back
I'm telling you why
Sandy Clawz is wielding a gun
You better lock up
the kiddies today
A lusty old gent
is heading your way-
Uncle Claudie is coming to town!
He's got a big smile
He's giving out toys
He's hot as can be
For underage boys-
Uncle Claudie is coming to town!
He's such a jolly fellow
He's always full of fun
He'll lure your kid
in-to his room
for a game of ONE on ONE!
And should he strike out
he doesn't much care
The internet's filled
with kiddie porn there--
Uncle Claudie is coming to town!
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